Energy vampires are real.
There ARE people who will happily suck the energy from you and push their negative energy onto you so they don’t have to feel it.
But something you need to learn is that no one can STEAL this energy from you without your permission.
You can protect yourself.
But empathic and highly sensitive people often don’t know how because they don’t learn how. It doesn’t come naturally.
You were probably the only one in your family who was like that.
So, no one was there to show you.
You just heard things like, “Don’t be so sensitive.”
Some of you make sure no one crosses your boundaries, but you’re not so clear when you’re crossing someone else’s.
You tell yourself that you’re just trying to help, but if no one asked you to, getting involved and trying to “fix” something or someone is just an intrusion. It’s a way of controlling a situation so that you can be comfortable.
But there’s always backlash when you do this.
When you get backlash for this, you feel like a victim because no one appreciates your effort. But the truth is, you’re crossing their boundaries and it’s offensive.
Men and women have to get much more clear with each other about setting and maintaining boundaries. It’s about respecting how the OTHER person wants to be treated and only accepting how YOU want to be treated.
Frequently, signals are crossed. Women (for the most part) are better at taking hints that a boundary is about to be crossed. Many men never get a hint. They may even deny that there ever WAS a hint. That’s one of the reasons why, back in the 1980’s, sexual harassment training included assertiveness training for women. Women had to be taught to say, “I don’t want to talk about my personal life.” And men had to be taught to look for signs that you’re making others uncomfortable.
A lot of people (mostly men) don’t even look at the person they’re talking to and have no idea they’re crossing boundaries. So we have to use our words clearly.
Other people (mostly women) have no idea what to do when they get that icky feeling that someone has crossed a boundary. They don’t want “confrontation” so they stay uncomfortable and filled with dread.
One of the things I do is role play with my clients. One client was super frustrated that she was being questioned about her health by a person at work. This was a boundary for her but she hadn’t told anyone that it was a boundary.
That’s the thing about personal and energetic boundaries. They’re invisible. Only YOU know what they are because they have everything to do with YOUR virtues and integrity. And you’re allowed to change them.
Just like physical boundaries. You might invite people into your home for a gathering, but you don’t expect them to feel free to walk in uninvited later or on another day.
So, my client and I did a little role playing. She ended up saying something like, “Hey, I know you’re asking because I told you about this before, and you care, and that’s nice and all, but it makes me feel really uncomfortable because it’s so personal. And even though I talked about it before, I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Can you please not ask me about this health issue anymore? If there’s anything you need to know about it, like if I’m going to have to miss work or something, I’ll tell you, ok?”
Now, look. This may seem simple to you from the outside. Straightforward, even. But when you’re in the moment and this happens and if healthy boundaries have NOT been modeled for you, and you don’t know how to handle yourself, the temptation is to tolerate it and just sit there with dread and discomfort until you just can’t tolerate it anymore.
And then you might do something drastic. Like lose your temper and explode in their face. Or I’ve even seen people quit their job.
I’m gathering women together who want to work on establishing healthy, comfortable boundaries that lead to stronger relationships and more self confidence.
Join me for a 45 minute teleseminar on Wednesday, October 3 at 4 p.m.
In the world of yoga, we talk about the Oneness, merging into the Divine, and how “we are all connected” and that we are all a divine manifestation of God’s love and we truly believe all of it… it’s completely true. But we live right here in this dual world.
This is my body, that’s your body. This is my car, and that’s your car. My house, your house.
You’re allowed to have boundaries and still consider yourself a spiritual person, a light worker, and .
In fact, you must have boundaries in order to be a virtuous person. If you don’t, you’re just at the mercy of whoever is in your presence.
A weak person doesn’t have boundaries and can’t keep their promises.
Boundaries require inner strength.
Boundaries allow you to keep your promises and maintain your integrity.